Posts Tagged ‘Jan Stolba’

 

On silence

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quiet

pictures by Jan Stolba

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I think a lot about silence.

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zamek1

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i used to equate silence with power because for most of my life, I felt powerless and was talkative.  Silent people seemed mysteriously powerful to me, and I saw words and speech as lesser weapons for survival. They were all I had, however, so the only answer seemed to be to become very very deft at words. Still, silence trumped words every time.

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i tended to take people’s silences personally.   I started out wondering what the silent person was thinking. Then I worried they were mad. Then I worried they were mad at me.  (Or upset. Or angry or insulted or unhappy… )  I equated silence with some form of negative response to me. (This is a weird spin on the ‘its all about me’ approach to life, if you think about it.  Because rather than it being egocentric, it is actually an expression of paranoia. )

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silence made me nervous and when I am nervous, I  jabber. I lose my dexterity and cleverness with words. They spill and clash and clang and honk from me. They say nothing save that I am nervous.

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gui30

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i used to jabber a lot more than I do now, but being older and worn in some, I have learned a few things about myself and about silence. I no longer feel silent people are … continue reading

 

a feeling for snow

 

I have come to think of December as the Dark Month  

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not just because of the difference between a Winter December and a Summer December, but because it is really incredibly dark. Day seems to last about fifteen minutes, and mostly that is overcast day. You get up in the dark and go for an afternoon coffee in the dark. But this is only an observation. Not a complaint..

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because I have been in love with winter forever.

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it is not that there is no light, but that light in this dark month is always subtle, diffuse, exquisitely elusive. The land, covered in snow, is often brighter than the sky. This is not a light that illuminates or demands. This is a hesitant, tentative light that allows infinite delicate reflection.

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i love when snow falls thickly enough to blanket the world, turning the forest black and white and grey; the way the city turns sepia coloured, and the way snow swallows sound. I am enchanted by that particular silence that comes when it snows, as if the world is holding its breath. It feels to me as if the world has turned into a metaphor. Everything feels significant.

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…and the COLD…

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I remember once, in Prague, when it was 9 degrees below … continue reading