Posts Tagged ‘Milesovka’

 

On silence

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quiet

pictures by Jan Stolba

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I think a lot about silence.

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zamek1

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i used to equate silence with power because for most of my life, I felt powerless and was talkative.  Silent people seemed mysteriously powerful to me, and I saw words and speech as lesser weapons for survival. They were all I had, however, so the only answer seemed to be to become very very deft at words. Still, silence trumped words every time.

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i tended to take people’s silences personally.   I started out wondering what the silent person was thinking. Then I worried they were mad. Then I worried they were mad at me.  (Or upset. Or angry or insulted or unhappy… )  I equated silence with some form of negative response to me. (This is a weird spin on the ‘its all about me’ approach to life, if you think about it.  Because rather than it being egocentric, it is actually an expression of paranoia. )

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silence made me nervous and when I am nervous, I  jabber. I lose my dexterity and cleverness with words. They spill and clash and clang and honk from me. They say nothing save that I am nervous.

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gui30

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i used to jabber a lot more than I do now, but being older and worn in some, I have learned a few things about myself and about silence. I no longer feel silent people are … continue reading